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| 6 Sex Mistakes Men Make - sex tips for men who have sex with women |
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We found this feature on WebMD By Martin F. Downs
- Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD and HAD to share! WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.
- Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.
- Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.
Be sure to check out our many titles authored by Tristan Taormino! |
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Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they've done with other women. But women aren't all the same. "You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," Taormino says.
That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between.
Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs
Some women can't have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator. "If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she's not broken," Taormino says. Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. "While you're doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says.
Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women
Paget says there tends to be a "huge disconnect" between men and women in the ways that sex feels good. "When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn't feeling the same way for her," Paget says. "It couldn't be further from the truth." The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, "it feels like you're getting punched in the stomach," Paget says. "It makes you feel nauseous."
Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman's Anatomy
Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That's not to say that they really understand it. More than 30 years ago, at the start of the "sexual revolution," a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists. "I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can't [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation -- please help," Taormino says. "I want to write back and say, 'OK, what's the problem?'" "For the majority of women, it's not going to happen that way," Paget says. Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says. A touch that's bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation. How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.
Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On
Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn't get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don't worry about it. "I think there's a myth that if you're turned on, you're wet," Taormino says. Not necessarily. Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it's subject to influences like stress and medications.
Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what's doing it for you and what isn't. If you're respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions. "I'm not saying push her head in your lap," Taormino says. "I think that, 'this is how I like it,' is a very useful conversation to have." |
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Penis Rings - Information, Style, and Safety with Penis Ring
What Is a Penis Ring?
Penis rings, also known as cock rings, are products available in sex toy stores that are non-medical versions of a clinically tested product known as a 'constriction ring'. Constriction rings are used in conjunction with vacuum pumps as a treatment for erectile dysfunction and work by restricting the flow of blood out of the penis, thereby making a man's erection last longer, and feel firmer, than without the ring. Penis rings are sold without pumps and may be used on their own. They may or may not produce the same sorts of changes to erections. If you're buying a penis ring from a sex store, keep in mind that it hasn't been clinically tested and neither the store nor the packaging should make any sort of medical claims or guarantees. But this doesn't mean they don't work, and can't be fun. Most of the store-bought penis rings work on the same principle as the constriction rings -- by holding blood in the penis they can change the way erections feel, how long they last, aand they can also change the way ejaculation and orgasm feel. Some men find these rings 'work'; while others say they don't. There are also lots of men who buy and wear these rings not to make their erections last longer, but because they like the way they feel.
What Do Penis Rings Feel Like?
Have you ever tied a string tight around your finger? Do you remember the way the tip of your finger feels, sort of warm and pressured? that's sort of what penis rings feel like. They create a sense of pressure, which some men find pleasurable, and they focus attention on the genitals in a unique way. It isn't a feeling everyone will enjoy, and it's important to use rings that you can easily remove, as some people will find the ring to be uncomfortable or painful.
Different Styles of Penis Rings
There are different styles of penis rings. Some are adjustable, and they may open up all the way (these are usually made from soft rubber or leather), or they are solid and one size (usually metal, plastic, or hard rubber). If you've never used a ring before, an adjustable flexible style is recommended. Some penis rings are worn around the base of the penis and behind the scrotum, others can just be worn around the shaft of the penis. There are more complicated rings (sometimes called c-rings, or splitters) which have extra straps that go around the testicles. There are also some penis rings designed to only go around the scrotum and not around the shaft of the penis at all. Beyond the basics, most differences in rings only affect how the ring makes your genitals feel, and not how much they will change your erection.
Penis Ring Safety
Penis rings can cause harm to your body if you don't use them properly. If you are using a penis ring and you feel pain or discomfort remove the ring immediately. You should not leave a penis ring on for extended periods of time. Most documentation suggests 30 minutes is as long as you should leave a ring on for in one session. Do not use homemade or makeshift penis rings (from elastic bands, nylon string, etc...) as they may be tricky to get off and may cut into your skin. Visit our for him section for a wide variety of Penis rings from basic to advanced. It's worth spending the money to avoid the need for scissors or a trip to the emergency room. |
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The Male G-Spot - Self Prostate Massage Tips and Techniques
You've probably spent a considerable amount of time studying the female G-Spot: How to find it, how to stimulate it and how to turn a woman into putty with a G-spot orgasm. What most men are far less familiar with is their own male G-spot. That's right; some of you may be surprised to learn that the prostate is, essentially, the male equivalent of a woman's G-spot -- and yours is far, far easier to find. We realize that, for some, the idea of exploring this area may be taboo, but if you keep an open mind while reading this article, our advice could lead you to one of the best orgasms you could ever hope for. Read on as we give you the lowdown on the male G-spot and what it can do for your sex life.
Discovering your G-spot
The male G-spot isn't all that difficult to find, but it does require a little patience. Lying on your back is generally considered to be the most comfortable position for this, so you'll probably want to make use of the bed or perhaps a large sofa. The process will be easiest with your legs elevated, which you can do by simply leaning your legs against the wall behind the bed or draping them over the back of the sofa. If you're still having difficulty reaching the perineum from this position, you can lift your backside further by sliding a pillow or two under your bum.
Once you've made yourself as comfortable as possible, start by gently massaging the aea surrounding your anus. Most men enjoy having their taint (also known as the perineum) stimulated, and that can certainly be incorporated into this process. Use the soft pad of your index finger while exploring, and be gentle. As you relax further, lube your finger up and let it gently brush across the surface of your anus. Repeat this move several times, each time increasing the pressure slightly. When you're comfortable enough to begin probing, you should keep things slow and gentle, taking care to relax your sphincter during the process. Once you've come in contact with the male G-spot, you'll recognize it as a small, chestnut-sized bump situated approximately two inches inward.
Stimulating your G-spot
The first step in stimulating the male G-spot is making oneself comfortable. Bathing beforehand can put a man more at ease with the process, so we recommend starting out with a nice hot shower. If you'd like to take that one step further, enemas are not at all uncommon and you may choose to add this to your regimen. Once you're ready for stimulation, there are a number of methods you can utilize, though we recommend keeping it simple if you're a novice; a finger will be sufficient for beginners. Regardless, you'll want a good supply of lubrication on hand, and you'll want the type specifically created for anal play.
It will take some experimentation to discover what works best for you in terms of stimulation. Return to one of the positions we mentioned earlier (lying on your back with your legs and backside elevated) and repeat the steps you used to located the prostate. As you prepare to stimulate your G-spot, keep in mind that techniques vary greatly. Some men enjoy gentle thrusting movements, and some prefer intense, constant pressure on the prostate itself. You might prefer a mix of the two or something entirely different. The key is to give your body the chance to react and respond; take your time, the orgasm is worth it. It's also important to note that you may not find any of these methods pleasurable during the first exploration, and that's perfectly normal; you can always try again in the future.
Don't be ashamed of stimulating the male G-spot; the results can be explosive...
Techniques and Toys
Finger
We've already mentioned this one, but you shouldn't limit this method to solo exploration. Believe it or not, many women enjoy performing this type of stimulation in the bedroom, particularly when the resulting orgasms can be so powerful. If you'd like to try something highly erotic, have her give you a blow job while stimulating your prostate.
G-spot Goodie: Brace your hands against the back of a sofa and bend over at a 90-degree angle. Spread your legs apart and have your woman get on her knees in front of you. This will allow her to perform oral sex while still being able to stimulate your prostate.
Rim Job
There was a time when most women had no idea what a rim job was -- those days are long past, and most are quite savvy with the technique these days. If you'd like to add a little extra ecstasy to your next sex session, bring up the subject of reciprocal rim jobs. It's quite simple, really: When you're both fresh out of the bath, use your tongue to gently probe each other's anuses. The sensation is truly incredible and you're both sure to enjoy it.
G-spot Goodie: Magnify your orgasms by manually stimulating each other during the rim job; toying with her clitoris should lead to a powerful climax for her, and a well-timed hand job will guarantee your own.
Prostate Massagers and Butt Plugs
If you'd like to combine sex and prostate stimulation, butt plugs are one of the simplest options available on the market. They can be used during blow jobs or actual intercourse. Butt plugs come in a variety of shapes and sizes, so you needn't worry about the experience being painful or uncomfortable; simply choose the size that meets your requirements.
G-spot Goodie: If you'd like to experience something truly incredible, work your PC muscles while penetrating your woman. This will stimulate the male G-spot further than you could possibly imagine.
It's not just for women! While we don't expect everyone to be immediately comfortable with this type of exploration, we do want to make it clear that it's perfectly acceptable and in no way strange or perverse. The male G-spot is a powerful gland that can lead to earth-shattering orgasms, and we believe everyone's entitled to that kind of pleasure. If you're not ready for this type of play, that's perfectly understandable and we certainly don't want you to do anything that doesn't feel right for you. If, however, you're open-minded about male G-spot stimulation, we encourage you to try our tips, visit our selection of prostate massage aids, and start working your way toward the ultimate orgasmn.
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Can masturbating early in the day may help sex last longer that night?
Besides releasing endorphins into the body enhancing your mood and boosting energy (which is great for a morning or afternoon pick-me-up), masturbation may also help your lasting power! However, it depends in part on your natural refractory period. If you can go multiple times in a row, then morning masturbation may have little effect. If you have a more moderate refractory period, then you may find that morning masturbation sets up your nighttime sex for a great start. During masturbation, visualize lasting longer during intercourse. It's also a great time to practice the stop-start technique -- bringing yourself to the verge of orgasm and then stopping and waiting for it to subside. This is one of the most reliable ways of learning to control the timing of your ejaculation.
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